At the end of the first of his recent visits to Goa, in
February 2013 Lama Dawa traveled to the caves of Ajanta and Ellora in the west
of India, together with some of his dharma friends, in what felt like a pilgrimage
to places to which he had been connected through dharma activities many
centuries before.
The seeds for the journey had been sowed several years
earlier. It came about like so
many other developments that Lama, sometimes gently, sometimes forcefully sets
in motion. He often starts by first
throwing the pebble of a seemingly off-the-wall remark into a conversation or
interaction about a totally different subject. And just like a real pebble hitting the even surface of a still
pond, this pebble-like remark then generates ripples, affecting beings’ lives. However unlike other hints that he had
dropped to me before slowly increasing in intensity, this particular pebble of
Lama’s, came totally out of the blue: In September 2009 a few days before my
birthday, he phoned me, and after exchanging niceties the main point of the
conversation consisted in his telling me, “That
he, Kalsang, Rinchen and I would have to go together to visit the Ajanta caves soon,
and that I should find out about the practicalities, like plane tickets, hotel
reservations and so forth. He and
Kalsang would fly in from Nepal, whereas Rinchen and I were expected to come
from Goa. He would get back with me to hear my report in a few days time, so
better hurry. It was our duty to
go, simple as that. And besides, I
shouldn’t blabber to too many people about it, may be let Renita and George
know but nobody else.” Then,
he hung up.
The next call came a few days later in the evening of the
actual birthday, which made me happy because I had never received a birthday
call from my Lama before. After
congratulating he continued that, “No,
this is not the time yet to go and see Ajanta together. The place is too hot in September
(which it is!), and second and
unfortunately, his health also wouldn’t allow it. Instead, all his Indian dharma friends should be informed
that he would give the complete Three Roots teaching and empowerments in
Kathmandu, this coming October 2009 and everyone who can come should attend.”
The Ajanta trip was shelved for
the time being. Other events and
teachings needed to precede it, which was equally good news.
Fast forward to 2012.
Lama’s health wasn’t too good in that year. Special ceremonies for his long life were commissioned and
performed. Later in the fall, I
received first an e-mail and then a call from Khandro Kunzang asking if we, meaning
Rinchen who is a physician specializing in detox and rejuvenation therapies,
could help in any way. Lama seemed
to believe so and actually had consulted Saraswati’s mirror to that effect. The decision was made
swiftly. Yes, Rinchen and I would
pick Lama and Kalsang up in Kathmandu in late December and bring them to
Goa. Rinchen actually started
treating Lama in Kathmandu the same day we arrived, which appeared to give him
quite a bit of his strength back, then and there. Flying to Goa would be easy.
Once in Goa, the total focus was on his health. Of course, Lama being who and what he
is, he also gave plenty of informal teachings after dinner when sitting on our
terrace with us, many concerning the history of Indian Tantric and siddha
heritage. I wish I had recorded
his voice. Now, everything he said
is gone, like words inked on paper and drawn through water. What the Lama had shared were really
priceless gems. Much of what was
being said sounded like coming straight out of his own memory bank, not at all
like second hand information but much like the retelling of real life events –
on Lama’s breath and through his words transported into the present.
Of course, the subject of Ajanta came up in the context, and
after two weeks of mostly relaxing and getting better and stronger, Lama
decided that after Tibetan New Year, we all should go to Ajanta together. Ah, there it was, the thread taken up:
Finally to Ajanta. After he had
announced this, Lama even insisted that we book the tickets through a travel
site that same night, and to tell Renita and George that they should do the
same.
It’s hard to fathom people’s expectations regarding the ‘magical’
and ‘mysterious’. Mine don’t run
terribly high. The way I see it, the
apparently ordinary is, in and of itself, pure magic, and the fact of anything
appearing at all: ‘magical’. As
many mahasandhi (dzogchen) scriptures state (in a nutshell), “Appearance is ungraspable magic and not necessarily
only what it appears to be.”
From this particular point of view the sole prerequisite to experience
‘magic’, is to be willing and receptive enough to ‘read’ any so-called ordinary
‘object’ or situation in other than ordinary ways. The magic is in the view.
We boarded the plane in Goa and had a stopover in Bombay,
which lasted way longer than anticipated because the flight from Bombay to
Aurangabad (the city nearest to Ajanta) had been postponed 2 ½ hours. The moment we got to Bombay, Lama’s
mood switched from ‘placid’ to one of his ‘non-linear’, beyond peaceful and
beyond caring ‘display’ modes.
He decided on the spot that the only bar in the terminal was
the best place for us to sit and wait.
His energy shifted, too, somehow became more ‘tiger-like’. In response, people at the tables
around us grew slightly restive.
Their discomfort was palpable.
It is funny to watch how most everyone is only at ease within a very
narrow range of expression and gets taken aback when some presence radiates an energy
field, which is a little more animated, or may be ‘ego-free or ‘discontinuous’. Lama wasn’t really silent, either… He talked and he did so in an unusually
boisterous manner. In his informal
teachings in Goa he had stressed what a powerful place for Buddhist tantric
practice Ajanta had been in the past, and when you drop the word ‘tantra’ loud
enough in a crowd in India, people can get disquieted, even scared. They immediately think ‘black magic’,
and how this might affect them.
Then departure was announced. Anyone knowing the
boarding customs in this country, if only
a little, will also know that such provokes a dash towards the counter. As a rule, everyone ignores the
instructions of the ground personnel. The whole thing turns into an ‘every-man-for-himself’ type of
a situation, and although Lama was sitting in a wheel chair with pre-boarding
privilege, he and I ended up in the bus together, separated from the other
members of the group – swept along by the swift current of the main boarding
procedure. De to the unforeseen
circumstance of the delay any pre-boarding arrangements had simply been
cancelled. The scene was wild and
chaotic even more so because everyone’s patience had worn thin due to the waiting.
And then Lama responded to the surrounding chaos by having a
seizure. He hadn’t had one during
the entire time in Goa. However,
in this instant on the bus on the tarmac, in the most convenient of moments, it
had to happen… The funny thing was,
there was nothing scary about it.
Going faster than usual, the crowded bus was swaying left and right, and
had the passengers sway with its motions. Nobody managed to keep himself completely straight or able to
avoid bumping into each other here and there… and in the middle of all of this:
Lama having a seizure. Perfect! Signaling with his eyes he reminded me to
do the needful. Thus, I pressed
the points on his head that he had indicated for me to press in the past.
Whatever the situation may have looked like from the
outside, Lama was absolutely calm, and even I managed to not turn frantic. Lama actually radiated the feeling of
being comfortable with his and everyone’s discomfort. His inner unperturbed comfort zone created something like an
intangible yet impenetrable safety bubble around us. People gawked a little and, if not put off, were probably
more scared than Lama or I, while also being pacified by the vibrations of
complete ease that seemed to emanate from him. Everything felt absolutely fine and just like what it had to
be, yet felt also surreal. When
the bus came to a halt and the crowd had rushed out as head-over-heels as it
had rushed in, Lama right after this seizure nevertheless was able to walk up
the gangway with only minor support – very, very strange, all of it.
The taxi ride from the hotel in Aurangabad to Ajanta was
long and when we arrived there the next day we found out that the parking area
had been far removed from the actual entrance. A bus would bring us to the gate, but the bus stop was also
more than half a mile away on foot.
Although Lama tried to walk, it showed that this was causing him
pain. A plastic chair from a fast
food stall saved the day. We
carried him to the bus stop sitting on the chair, and on this particular day
Lama felt as light as a feather – well, may be not quite, but not too heavy
either.
The moment we got near the valley with the ancient caves,
Lama’s face lit up. He looked very
happy and satisfied. His posture
became more regal, as if permeated by the energy of the place – which his body may
have recognized as if it was home.
To reach all the caves involves a 3-4 mile walk; too much of
an ordeal for anyone, if he we had ever thought of carrying Lama that far. Fortunately there was a palanquin
service. One detail struck me as
interesting: at the hotel, in the taxi or bus, everyone so far had seen Lama as
an ordinary person. For them he
had been just one among the many Tibetans that come and see the Buddhist caves. However, the palanquin bearers recognized
him as someone special right away treating him with obvious respect. They were swift on their feet,
too, and hurried the palanquin along the incline that leads from the gate into
the actually valley were the caves are located. Shortly before the first cave Lama had them stop and in the
tone of command asked me to serve as one of the bearers, which made me
happy. It felt like a good omen to
be able to carry your root guru on your shoulder. Then it was George’s turn to do the same.
When reaching the caves, which are more than simply caves
but actually rock temples, I sometimes stayed near Lama and sometimes wondered
off on my own as I sensed that others would also want to be near him. But very early when we came out from
one of the first temples, Lama grabbed me by the arm, dragging me into the full
sun. He proclaimed victoriously “Now is moment, it has to be done!”, and
with his left he held my right hand in a tight grip while his other arm was
raised, his hand pointing into the blue sky in the averting mudra. The whole sequence lasted but a short
moment, but luckily someone had the presence of mind of clicking pictures.
Of course Lama explained many details about the deities and mandalas
carved in stone, about the artwork, about the meaning. Some of his explanations diverged considerably
from what the guidebook said. But
for me there can be no contradiction.
Without a doubt, Lama spoke from direct experience – not like an art
historian. And one could easily
see, how moved Lama was, how he enjoyed the good fortune to visit these places
a second time in his life (the first time had been when he was young and a
student at Sanskrit university in the 1970s). Lama is not the sentimental type, but when he is really
moved, he also shows it. When at
ease with his company, he is not one to hold back his feelings. For me seeing Lama expressing so much
wordless gratitude was as wonderful as to take in the full impact of these ancient
manifestations of faith produced by yogis and monks who through their art had
transformed an entire valley into a pure land dedicated to the path of
enlightenment.
In one of the more famous temples, which has a huge stupa
as
the center piece in the main hall, Lama very slowly, in a strong heartfelt
voice recited the refuge formula in Sanskrit. The whole place resounded with his faith in the enlightened
mind, saturated with the rare presence of an even rarer kind of devotion that
is itself the sign of realization; simultaneously yearning, longing and
triumphant. After he stopped some
of the Indian tourists who happened to be there, came to him and asked for his
blessings. Even in modern day
Indians, traces of the old culture and the old respect for the guru, for the
Buddha are still alive – like embers buried in ashes that can be revived.
After two hours spent in different caves Lama felt it was
time to return to the gate and have lunch in the little local restaurant. He went there on his palanquin with
Kalsang, Rinchen & George accompanying him, while Renita and I explored the
temples on our own for a little while longer. Anyhow, what Lama had come to
accomplish had already been accomplished.
Lama has an uncanny sense of timing. Everyone was happy.
For all of us, him included, ancient cords had been struck, continuing
to reverberate in this body.
The visit to Ellora the next day went pretty much the same
way, although fortunately the drive was much shorter. Unfortunately, however, Lama for some inexplicable
reason was at least three times as heavy as the day before. Like in Ajanta, it was a long way to
walk from the parking lot to the caves, and we thought that we had a handle on
the situation: we could always carry Lama on a plastic chair borrowed from a
restaurant, right? We were
mistaken. While it had been easy
to carry him to the parking lot in Ajanta, it turned out impossible to carry
him in Ellora. It felt as if he
had gained at least100 kgs in weight, overnight. We tried and we gave up. We could lift him, but carrying him more than ten steps was
impossible. Lama did not comment
on the change of his weight. There
also were no palanquin bearers as in Ajanta. The rescue came when George found that administration had some
wheelchairs in their office for the handicapped. So it came about that Lama would explore Ellora in a wheelchair.
To all in the group it seemed that the spiritual energy at the
Ellora sites was ‘thinner’ or ‘weaker’
than in Ajanta. This did not come as a surprise because Ellora is closer to a
major city and highway, and much more easily accessible to crowds. It also has some stunning Hindu temples
attracting Hindu worshippers, whereas, Ajanta is strictly Buddhist, and as such
had obviously been designed more like a place for inner practices rather than
outer worship. In Ellora, Lama
only went to the Jain and Buddhist caves.
He showed less enthusiasm and explained far less of the details in the
different temples. Yet again, he
was very content and grateful to have come. We had a long lunch in a dabba type restaurant under one of
the beautiful ancient trees of the park around the Ellora caves and then went
back to Aurangabad.
